A Pompous Arse Explains Why He Is Never Asked To Do Anything Twice
For reasons known only to himself, the great Mr. Cullen asked me to deejay alongside himself, Mr. Wylie, and some lovely others. Although I have previously offended wedding guests and the odd gig-goer, this was my first attempt at crossing fades, padding the KAOS membrane, and balancing one record-playing device against another. Those listening through hand-masked ears could tell, but only faintly.
To make life easier for myself, I played only records that had no or minimal drums – with one exception, should a riot fail to outbreak. And, to relieve myself of much culpability, I brought with me my improbability drive (a backgammon board), so that Mr. Cage or chance might be my co-presenter. A pair of dice was rolled and the digits corresponded nicely with my list prepared and numbered tracks.
11 Sparks – How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall?
12 Erik Satie – Socrates: A Portrait of Socrates
13 David Byrne – Tree (Today Is An Important Occasion)
14 Hans Wurman – Chopin’s Ballade in G Minor
15 Van Dyke Parks – Widow’s Walk
16 Percy ‘Thrills’ Thrillington – Ram On
21 Rogerio Duprat – The 1st Movement of Brahms 4th Symphony & Beethoven’s 5th, in a Tropical style
22 Ippu-Du – Crystal Leaves
23 Stephen Sondheim – Side By Side By Side (the original cast of Company)
24 Shirley Collins – Are You Going To Leave?
25 Paul & Linda McCartney – Ram On
26 Dave Soldier & Kurt Vonnegut – Nice, Very Nice
31 Lull atone – Puddies on the Plyground
32 Penguin Café Orchestra – In Back of a Taxi
33 The Human League – I Am The Law
34 Neil Innes – How Sweet to Be an Idiot
35 Berntholer – My Suitor
36 Paderewski – Aeolian Orchestral (drawing-room reed-organ player, F style), Opus 14 No. 1
41 Wendy Carlos – Brandenburg Concerto No. 1 in F Major
42 Krzysztof Komeda – Rosemary’s Baby, Main Theme, with Mia Farrow vocal
43 Brian Eno – Golden Hours
44 Michael Nyman – Knowing The Ropes
45 David Byrne & Rufus Wainwright – Au Fond du Temple Saint (from Bizet’s The Pearlfishers)
46 The Balanescu Quartet – Computer Love
51 Deux Filles – Fleur’s Doll
52 Dr. John – Dance à la Negres
53 Jim O’Rourke – Through the Night, Softly
54 Kronos Quartet – Ben Johnston 4th String Quartet, ‘Amazing Grace’
55 Nico – Le Petit Chevalier
56 Kiri Te Kanawa – O Mio Babbino Caro (from Puccini’s Gianni Schicchi)
61 Phil Manzanita – Lagrima
62 Sir. John Betjeman – On a Portrait of a Deaf Man
63 Sonny Sharrock & Wayne Henderson – Black Woman
64 Elvis Costello & the Brodsky Quartet – Romeo’s Seance
65 Elvis Costello (as The Imposter) – Pills & Soap
66 John Cage & John Tilbury – Sonata V, for Prepared Piano
What we ended up with was this:
Berntholer – My Suitor
Balanescu Quartet – Computer Love
Dr. John – Dance à la Negres
Dr. John – Dance à la Negres… such is chance that the track came up two times running, so I played them together, a few bars out of sync with each other
Jim O’Rourke – Through the Night, Softly
Deux Filles – Fleur’s Doll
Kronos Quartet – Ben Johnston’s ‘Amazing Grace,’ which eleven minutes was mixed in and out of the John Cage’s Sonata V and Sonny Sharrock’s Black Women
Erik Satie – Socrates: Portrait of Socrates
Rogerio Duprat – The 1st Movement of Brahms 4th Symphony & Beethoven’s 5th, in a Tropical style
Ippu-Du – Crystal Leaves
Shirly Collins – Are You Going To Leave?
Stephen Sondheim – Side By Side By Side
Interspersed throughout were extracts from some of the lovely spoken-word vinyls that were liberated from an audio-visual library in the country. This time – Les Fleurs de Mal & ee cummings Reads ee cummings.
You missed it. And I will never be asked again. Except, perhaps, in the capacity of projectionist’s aide. Thankfully, my choice of background film was much commented upon, but, most of the credit must go to Mr. Cullen, who projected it beautifully.
It was this, Powell & Pressburger’s follow-up to The Red Shoes, Offenbach’s Tales of Hoffmann. It is, apparently, one of George A. Romero’s favourite films.
